From Traditional Thriller to Literary Voice: The Prose Shift That Changed My Manuscript
The happy little accident
When it came time for me to edit my story, I went into it with full confidence. But then one revision became two—two became three—yet none of it felt quite right. Late one evening in January, after staring at the wall for eternityan hour for a bit, I knew I needed a break. Instead of stepping away from my laptop, I decided to attend a virtual education session with the Quill and Cup about elevating your prose.
Confession? I only wanted to see my Hedgie sisters. I hadn’t the faintest clue what would be covered in the session.
Not only did I get to spend time with my writing partners, I had the chance to learn from AJ Volante and Margie Libling at The Wednesday Refinery, what it takes to make sentences go from flat words, to ones that feel alive. At the end of the class, they invited us to try these new techniques using a prompt and encouraged us to use our senses to write a short story. This short story is the result of that prompt:
SHORT STORY - The Sixth Sin by MICA MERRILL RICE
My mind was opened to something I never considered before this night: there can be beauty in the darkness. In other words, thrillers do not need to follow a script, I could add life and the story can still land as I want it to.
After finishing the short story, I knew I wanted to play around with words in my own manuscript. I rethought pivotal moments, removed fillers, and exercised restraint in a way I have not done since I wrote poetry. I learned to trust my writing and my readers.
This is one of the original sentences from revision three:
“Everyone woman needs an identity: the one she shares with the world and the one she keeps hidden.”
On revision, I came up with this:
“…every woman’s identity is a chrysalis split in two: the painted casing she shares with the world, and the truth that writhes inside.”
Another passage from the early drafts:
“The alarm has not gone off yet, but I am up and out of bed. I pull on the door and it opens without hesitation. I look back at Sevrin who is still sleeping. The house is quiet, save for the hum of the refrigerator I hear down the hall. Quietly, I walk down the hallway and check in on Honey’s room.
It is still open. Her bed made. Hazel did not have a roommate when I arrived. I walk in and begin searching the room for something. For what, I do not know, but I want to see if there is any clue about what is going on at Swallowtail.”
Became this passage in the latest round:
“The last of the darkness is drained out of the sky and replaced with steel gray clouds. My eyes adjust to the light and I sit up in a room I don’t remember entering.
Hazel’s.
A now empty bottle of vodka and the snuff bullet sit at my side like a pair of one night stands. My muscles scream at me from blacking out on the floor. The last thing I remember was walking back to the bedroom. My bedroom.
The beds in Hazel’s room are empty and untouched.
This story not only started to sound better, it went from commercial thriller to literary thriller. And for me, this was a happy little accident that helped me find my writer voice. Who knew that one little prompt could change it all?
I reached out to AJ and Margie to have them come to my podcast to talk about prose. Both of these lovely ladies are not only editors, but authors themselves who appreciate beautiful words. We spoke about everything from common mistakes to query letters for those in the trenches.
This is the actual exercise that AJ and Margie used in the class that would change the trajectory of my writing. I challenge you to give it a try too!
Prose is more than correct…it’s intentional.
As a writer, I tend to over explain anything and everything from emails to scenes. The trick I learned is that a story is more powerful when the words are restrained.
“Elevated prose isn’t about adding more information. It’s about choosing the right words so you add layers without spoon-feeding the reader.”
Readers (including myself) love a story where they can immerse themselves in the words and pick out clues on their own.
The Wednesday Refinery Pro Tip
Elevated prose isn’t about adding more. It’s about choosing better.
Bottom line: trust your reader!
Stop listing. Start revealing.
I am guilty of listing out—in unnecessary detail—everything about my characters. Where the vase is on the table. The direction of the sun. The exact location of the pen on the desk.
Finding a new way to do this was indeed a challenge, but by changing up the details and getting rid of “boring” words, it made for better descriptions.
“Brown hair, blue eyes, red coat—that list doesn’t tell the reader anything interesting.”
The Wednesday Refinery Pro Tip
Description should create mood, not inventory.
Protect the voice while refining the line.
Having eyes on my story that are not my own is intimidating, yet necessary. My editors and alpha readers are my life line and without them I would never see issues. The feedback I receive helps me write a better story.
“Writing is vulnerable. You have to help authors grow while protecting their voice—lean into the story they want to tell and highlight what’s already working.”
The Wednesday Refinery Pro Tip
Editing should sharpen your voice, not erase it.
Having a relationship with my editing team is crucial. It allows me to tell them what I would like to get out of my story and trust that they will guide me in the editing phase, without me losing my voice.
The best part about being an author is the people I meet along the journey. I learn something new from every single one of them and they are the reason that I am becoming a better writer.
Thank you, AJ and Margie, for helping me to see what magic I could conjure up with words and for helping me to find my voice.
About The Wednesday Refinery
Run by AJ Volante and Margie Libling, The Wednesday Refinery offers manuscript editing and query guidance.
About AJ:
AJ first started writing and editing for museum exhibits and gaming companies before realizing she wanted to help writers with their manuscripts.
When she's not working or writing dark speculative fiction, she enjoys restoring her 1924 craftsman home and taking her cats for walks.
About Margie:
Margie is a former social worker who now writes and edits full-time. She is the author of two adult fiction novels and is currently working on a third. When not at her desk, Margie spends time with her husband, two daughters, and rescue dogs.
Thank you for being here and learning with me!
